Ripped off.

I'm feeling ripped off constantly. Losing my baby at 21 weeks. Hitting the Caesarian date in February and it passed as I worked. No nesting, no bodily changes. I'm now two weeks away from my original due date and it hurts my heart knowing I won't be doing "normal" pregnancy stuff. I'm not on maternity leave, I didn't take classes. I'm not going to go through a regular labour. And yet, more than anything my mind feels stuck in the 21 week gestation state. I need to hold my little girl in my arms one more time and it won't happen. Not now. Not ever. She'll be in my heart, yes. I have a couple of little mementos but her room is empty and undecorated. I just feel cheated.